• Sumo

Life isn’t as easy as I’ve thought.
To survive among the best is even harder.

Time flies. Another new year is waiting for my arrival. By that time, I’ll be another year older. Oh my, I feel that I am old. I really can’t accept this. By this age of me, I am such a failure and gain nothing, learn nothing new and achieve nothing. My failure has ruined the plan I’ve made. Nope, my parents made for me.

Since young, my future is already well-planned by parents. From kindi to primary school to secondary school to college and to uni. Well, I’m happy that they’ve transferred me to suria in my secondary years. I really appreciate the time in my secondary years because I have such nice friends like yan, yen, ni, tham, chi, shin, wen, yee, dred, jian, ho, meng…
They are so nice, I’m glad that I have them all around me.

Since young, I was told to take up the course in uni. Yeah. Parents ask me to do so. They are my parents, I have to obey them, do as they told. How much I do not like a certain thing, I still have to make myself to ‘like’ them. At the end, hatred came. Right now, I’m retaking a few papers as I do not meet the minimum requirements into Uni. Having trial now. Just started today. However, I think I am not going for the next few papers. I have tried my very best to pour out what I have prepared days ago. Too bad, I passed up an untouchable set of blank papers again. Just like what I’ve done in June. yeah, i failed that paper. same thing will happen on this paper again.

I am really regretted for signing up to retake these papers. I really hate myself for being that. Regret for something isn’t a good feeling. My regret consists of hatred, anger, sorrow and sadness. There are few things that made me regret and I don’t want to think back about them. I can’t erase them from my mind but they have carved deeply in my heart. Regret for decision I made bring me pain. And now, I’m suffering. Books I hate are sitting still in front of me. Arghhh…

Whenever problems come and need a solution or decision, I’ll think twice, triple…
So that I wouldn’t regret
So that lesser pains in me.

I still don’t know how am I going to face the future. I’m not young and my friends (everyone) have found their uni and some already completed a year or two from their 4 or 5 years degree programme. I’ve lost my track. I don’t know what I can do next. what else can i do??? I only know how to eat and sleep at home. How useless I am!!!

I’m useless

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2 thoughts on “Regrets”

  • seroiusly, u sounded so upset and i can really feel ur pain. i know how it felt like for not doing well in the exam, i’ve been through all these too, the difference is that i’m way worse than u.

    dont worry, if there’s a will, there’s a way. u live ur life the way u want, if u’re certain that u dont like the subjects that u’re taking, change it and pursue something that u like.

    i’ve been through all this, and i’m still going through this now. it’s tough, but it’s not impossible either. carry on with life, forget about the past, find a new course that u like and go straight for it, then u’ll feel better…

    it’s better to be late, than never. jia you ok? i know u can do it. i’ll always be there to support u. no matter how far we are. good luck! 🙂

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